Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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