Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
