she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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