We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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