Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
