She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
