i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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