i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
