would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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