New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
