I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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