You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
