Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
