i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
