it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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