we have officially lost it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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