Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
