I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
