Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ttyl tear gas
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize