i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize