I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
why is half of my head shaved?
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