wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
