I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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