I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
