so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You pole danced in your parka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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