I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
