Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
