Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.