Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we made out on top of his cat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.