I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.