I wish my penis had an off switch
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat