By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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