By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body