It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize