3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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