This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
