It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
