If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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