he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
