literally had 100 drinks last night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
