You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
