she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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