There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
