I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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