Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize