Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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