I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
