i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
