i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Text me some of your sweat
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