I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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