i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
