Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
