It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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