Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
