It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
