At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
