Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love black thongs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
