i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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