I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
