I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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