I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
