i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
