im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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