Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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