Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
