A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
