U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
