He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
