my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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