not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
