I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
