If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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