Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The adults are the big ones right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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