three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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