so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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