my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
