Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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