Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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