i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm having to shit out rocks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
