he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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