I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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