She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
