you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
