The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
