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• (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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• (619): View more from California

  Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard

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• (779): View more from Illinois

  Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.

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