I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
